FOUL/FOWL PLAY

Some residents walk out of our building through the official entrance; the real entrance, the Cambridge Parkway entrance. If you do, you will immediately bump into the esplanade and the Charles River. Although this is a worthy destination in and of itself, its main attraction is that it is a place for running, cycling, roller blading, idyllic walking, and observing nature (people watching would be subsumed under nature). The esplanade is the scene of the crime, and therein lies my tale. 

There are no records. I've checked. Somewhere, sometime, somehow, those Canada geese got a free pass to fowl/foul our environment, and especially the esplanade. I called the Massachusetts State House. I called the Feds.

I called Ottawa. I even interviewed the head goose, which was no easy task. Not one person or bird can come up with a document or treaty or signed agreement that enables these dung machines to indiscriminately drop their leavings or leave their droppings on the byways of human activity. The esplanade is a minefield. 

Yet it seems to be perfectly accepted by all who must continuously side-step; who must concentrate on the ground in front of them, rather than on the sunset or the landing cormorant. There is the occasional hero or villain, like the one who took a nine iron to the head of one of these beasts on a Massachusetts golf course a number of years ago. I believe a hefty fine and/or confinement for a specified period put an abrupt end to that brand of heroism/villainy.

Need I remind anyone that this continuous cycle of mastication, ingestion, and indiscriminate excretion is taking place within the context of ongoing debates about dogs on leashes, specific places for dogs to run free, responsibilities for dog waste removal, and city sponsored deposit boxes for said waste?

Our dearest connection to the animal kingdom, life savers, stress reducers, unconditional lovers, seeing-eyes, hearing-ears, and wagging tails must be regulated and tied up while the birds from Canada are free to soil our paths.

There are two solutions. Capture and band all the birds with the name of an assigned Cambridge resident. It would be that person's responsibility to follow his/her goose and continuously clean up anything left behind. What's good for the dog is good for the goose. The second solution is more in keeping with what's good for the goose is good for the dog. 

The geese are free. Turn the dogs loose. They know what to do with geese and they don't have to carry nine irons to do it. The dogs will get their exercise. The owners will follow along with plastic baggies, which is what they do anyway. 

The fowl will not be able to foul our recreational areas. Don't you just love neat solutions to messy problems?

Laurence M. Lieberman

 Editor’s Note:  NatGeo estimates that 50 geese can defecate about 2.5 tons a year. A single Canada Goose poops 2 pounds/day.